Sometimes late at night...

Day 2334: Sometimes, late at night, I find it difficult to sleep. My brain is wrought with thoughts and lists, and "My gosh! Did I remember to do this and that?!?!?" And sometimes I just want to sleep so badly, and it just isn't coming.

Blame it on daylight-savings, or Darling Dear's wacky schedule (Yes, I get up when he does. Who else would pack him a lunchy??), though I admittedly will return to the sweet comfort of my warm bed for a nap, but sometimes, I just can't rest. Maybe the overload of thoughts and ideas, questions and wonderings, just refuse to let me try.

But deep down, part of me thinks that it's the struggles. The triumphs are great, don't get me wrong, but the pondering of what might have been and what is yet to be has me stuck in a mood that I just can't seem to kick, dwelling on the thing that is just out of my grasp.

"It will happen in it's own time," they say, and sure enough as the sleep will be, with each dusky night, the struggles will end and the day will come. Sometimes, it just takes a little longer to get there. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I didn't think it would be like this...

Day 2286: Almost one year of marriage down and we are still waiting! How much longer will this take! With the slew of people asking about our baby making status. Just because he's home from deployment doesn't mean it's instant!

My poor baby sister is 11 and apparently doesn't think we are working that hard to make her an aunt. That certainly isn't something I want to have to explain. Either way, though, I'll give her this: It is taking forever!

I keep thinking, it really can't take that much longer, but every month that goes by I get a little more discouraged. I like to think that there is a reason, something unbeknownst to us as to why it hasn't happened, but all I have to say is that we are ready. But like everything in the military life: ready, set...wait!

Care packages make my day...

Day 2112: I love making care packages! It is quite possibly the only silver lining that I can find in deployment, other than maybe the tax free pay! Care packages are great because I feel like I am still taking care of my darling dear even though we are not around each other!

Months before his first deployment, I began researching and choosing themes and ideas that seemed the most interesting. From there I set out making a schedule of boxes (yes, I enjoy being crazy, over-organized). I planned a "happy birthday box" and a "I love you more than all the stars in the sky box," both of which were a hit!

My most recent design is the "fish in the sea" box! I packed it full of gummy fish, and octopuses as well as goldfish crackers and a go-fish game. Corny, I know, but I assumed he would probably throw away most of the toy like stuff anyways, since he can't bring it all home!

When I miss him madly, I add extra boxes to the list. I should supplement the gaps in packages with smaller ones, but sometimes I just can't help myself and I stumble upon so amazingly perfect things to compliment the themes! At least I feel helpful!!

It's an economy size chocolate donut kind of day...

Day 2064: Darling Dear and I have an agreement. Every time that time of the month rolls around for negative pregnancy tests and crime scenes in pants, he buys me a pack of chocolate donuts. This pack of delicious, chocolate covered, buttermilk donuts has become a monthly staple in our home since we started our, what seems to be, tricky battle of producing an offspring.

Months have come and gone and boxes of donuts have been consumed to mask my feelings of disappointment and fulfill my hunger for something more. Try as the little donuts might, it just can't completely mask my void.

And now with Darling Dear gone until who knows when, I see months and months stretched out in front of me, littered with empty donut boxes and an empty uterus. A friend once told me that if the Navy wanted you to have children, they would have issued them, and I am starting to understand.

Military Wife Poem...

Day 2049: A few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted this poem and tagged me in it. As I read it, I shed a tear, knowing that I am not alone in the struggles that come with the military life.

Military Wife Poem
Lots of moving...
Moving...
Moving...
Moving far from home...
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog...all riding with HER of course.
Moving sofas to basements because they won't go in THIS house;
Moving curtains that won't fit;
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends;
Moving toward new friends;
Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.

Often waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting for housing.
Waiting for orders.
Waiting for deployments.
Waiting for phone calls.
Waiting for reunions.
Waiting for the new curtains to arrive.
Waiting for him to come home,
For dinner...AGAIN!

They call her 'Military Dependent', but she knows better:
She is fiercely In-Dependent.

She can balance a check book;
Handle the yard work;
Fix a noisy toilet;
Bury the family pet...

She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes;
Sell a house;
Buy a car;
Or set up a move...
.....all with ONE Power of Attorney.

She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her.
She reinvents her career with every PCS;
Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south.
And learns to call them all 'home'.
She MAKES them all home.

Military Wives are somewhat hasty...
They leap into:
Decorating,
Leadership,
Volunteering,
Career alternatives,
Churches,
And friendships.
They don't have 15 years to get to know people.
Their roots are short but flexible.
They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come
after them.

Military Wives quickly learn to value each other:
They connect over coffee,
Rely on the spouse network,
Accept offers of friendship and favors.
Record addresses in pencil...

Military Wives have a common bond:
The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is
unique.
He doesn't have a 'JOB'
He has a 'MISSION' that he can't just decide to quit...
He's on-call for his country 24/7.
But for her, he's the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign
TDY
PCS
EPR
SOS
ACC
BDU
ACU
BAR
CIB
TAD
ABU
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
She is the long-distance link to keep them informed;
The glue that holds them together.

A Military Wife has her moments:
She wants to wring his neck;
Dye his uniform pink;
Refuse to move to Siberia;
But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days,
A travel brochure,
A long hot bath,
A pledge to the flag,
A wedding picture,
And she goes.
She packs.
She moves.
She follows.

Why?
What for?
How come?
You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
It was stolen from her by a man,
Who puts duty first,
Who longs to deploy,
Who salutes the flag,
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her
Military Husband,
She will remain his Military Wife.
And would have it no other way.

--Author Unknown

Have I gone Crazy!?!

Day 2047: Ever since I was a kid, when I asked my dad where we were going, he always replied, "crazy," regardless if he actually knew where we were going or not. This, in fact, drove me crazy! As an ultra nosey child, I hated not being in the know. 

I remember, when I was in high school, he most often used this term in regards to what restaurant we were going to. My brothers and I relentlessly argued about who should get to decide where we ate, and my father, probably worn to the brink of insanity, always replied, "crazy." It was at this time that I had formed the grant and somewhat unrealistic idea that I would like to someday open a restaurant, named Crazy.

My idea was brilliant. This restaurant would served cuisines from all around the world, so there would be no arguing or bickering about who won out the choice of restaurants. Everyone could have what they wanted, be it Mexican or Japanese, American or Italian. Everyone would come happy, leave happy at Crazy.

Now, years down the road, as I sit at my dinner table describing my fantastic idea to my husband, he has but three words for me: Old Country Buffet. Ok, ok. This is probably a realistically response to my description, but I my mind, I was thinking a little less buffet, a little more gourmet. But lucky for me he didn't entirely dismiss my idea, because it has advanced so much since I was a child. 

Enter: Crazy Cupcakes and Cuisines! Yes, I too, have fallen into the baking and cupcake faze that seems to be sweeping the nation. I just can help it. They are so darn cute. And nothing relaxes me more than the baking and artistic-ness that goes into a cupcake! Yum!

And maybe, this time it's not to unrealistic! Darling Dear loves to cook and he is GOOD at it!! I'm not too bad myself, but I would be more than happy to leave that side of my dream to him as I head up the bakery! I'm picturing a little, classy hole in the wall spot. Two front entrance with large glass windows. And every day, working along side my best friend, who I feel like I have already lost so much time with. 

It might sound insane, unrealistic, CRAZY! But maybe if we all just went Crazy a bit more, we would have more fun!

I've been everything...

Day 2039: I've been everything. Or at least I feel that way. In the last two year's I've relocated four times. Two different states, four different cities, thousands of miles apart. It's not uncommon with a military life. And it seems as if it's also not uncommon to be a chameleon as a military spouse! 

I've been in sales, in marketing, in customer service. Done technology, phonebooks, internet. I've been a caretaker of the elderly and a substitute mother type caregiver for more than enough children. I've worked in graphic design, insurance, and food service. And, really! I promise I'm not even that old! 

As the years have started to pass on since my grand departure from my life at school, I have learned that the world can be a tricky place, but if you are adaptable, you can be anything. You just can't be afraid to try. And believe me, there is very little I am afraid to try!

Sometimes I think it's a little crazy that I have tried so many things. My poor resume looks like a mishmash of experiences from every place that we've been. But those who have been willing to take me on know that I love to learn and that makes all the difference. I am willing to adapt and be what they need. I am a chameleon! And I'm proud.